- 4 yrs 2 wks 1 days old
- Updated: 15 May 2008
- 777 entries
- 1,278 comments
Make me money
Work
Things at work are going from bad to worse.
The Rev of the church who lease us our building came up a few weeks ago, and was very threatening and and very negative. He came up and had a go at the way we work and the sort of work we were doing. This is a Christian Priest. He threatened to close us down.
On top of that we had vandalism and we can't open. So yesterday there was a meeting with the trustees my manager and The Rev. It really didn't go to well. He's still threatening to close us down, and he he's causing us many problems.
As a result we are closing for at least a month and re thinking about how we work.
As this month goes on I feel more and more that I'm failing and that I'm on the verge of a break down. All I want to do is to curl up in a ball and forget the world exists. As each day goes on I think more and more what would it be like if I let myself go completel, to have a full mental break down and to become instatution for the rest of my life. Not having to worry about anything, and just being able to do my own thing and not have to work. Things get done for me. I'm on benefits. The bigger part of me knows that I would hate living like that. I wouldn't ever get real freedom to do my own thing, and I'd struggle with money.
Why do I stuggle with this stuff so much. I can't think straight at the moment. The painkillers are kicking in and my brain is turning to cotton wool. It feels really good.
I sooo know what you mean. It was just a few short months ago that I felt
like such a complete mess that I kept wishing I would finally completely
bottom out, break down and have to be locked up or something. I know that
sounds quite crazy, and it was. But a complete shut down seemed like such
a relief from the way my life was going. I've never heard anyone else
describe feeling that way until I came across your entry tonight.
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