What a week

I went to a funeral on Tuesday which was tough.  It was a sudden and unexpected death which was really tough.  It was a beautiful requiem mass and was so appropriate for the man that he was.  It was an amazing requiem and really put me at peace.  I only hope that it was a comfort to the family.

On Wednesday until today I was on conference which was quite an experiance and even opened my eyes to a couple of things.  Not necessarily the things I should have had my eyes opened to but certainly some things that I realise within myself.

One of the things I realise is that my emotions are all out of wack.  I honestly don't feel much.  I smile but it's fake.  I laugh but it's fake. I do cry but never over the thinks I should cry about only over things I shouldn't.  I laughed on conference when you needed to laugh, I did everything I needed to do to make it look normal.  Due to the fact I was up late drinking both nights I was away I didn't take any sleeping pills so I have not slept in over 60 hours.  So tonight I will be taking a pill and getting some sleep.

I have also been thinking about my calling to the church, my youth work and every think else.  I maybe taking a new track with my life...... of sorts.  I'm doing research and please forgive me for not talking about it, but I want to look into my options, I need to pray about this, I need to think long and hard about everything and decide what I am going to do.  However it's a really exciting and I'm excited (or as excited as I can get).   One of the major things I need to work out (and it could take a year or so) is weather or not my change in call (or interpretation of) is real or if it's me trying to escape from who I have become and what I've become.  It could be an interesting year a head of me.

"You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending"
That's all I'm going to say about S.  I miss him and I ache for him.  I will never be his and he will never be mine.

Spacefrog and I for a while now have been discussing Battlestar Galactica.  I love the original series. I own it.  There was something so wonderful, pure and fun about the original series.  Spacefrog has wanted me to give the new BSG a go again as he really enjoys it.  So I have been watching them   I am now in to Season 3.  Although I watch them, I'm really not convinced.  It's so dark and depressing.  Shows humans at their worse.  You can see the influence of the horrors of September 11th on the series.  They don't even keep true to the mythology and culture of the original series.  Makes me really believe that the makers should have just left the original series alone and just created a brand new seies set in space with refuge.  Season 1 was watchable, rang of story lines of the original series.  I thought that maybe this could be come something.  Season 2 was definately worse and season 3 is just rediculous.  I don't think I'll get through season 3.  I certainly will not be watching season 4 in any way shape or form.  A lot of the characters piss me off, a lot of characters should be killed of and those that I do like tend to get killed off.  Spacefrog I gave it a go but I'm sorry you've not converted me and I certainly won't be recommending it to others.  Sorry!

Right, I'm going to end there as I'm going to start bunking down for the night.  I have to sleep tonight if nothing else.  Hope you're all. 

tags: update  personal  flatmate  feelings  work  death