Update

I am live and well.  I've just had an awful lot on my plate.

I went to Lourdes for a week.  It was an interesting experience.  Over all I enjoyed myself, but there was one afternoon where I hated being there, I hated my job for taking me there but I saw it through.  I ended up cutting myself, and concidering I had a room mate, in a forgein country and had to find a blade, made it really tricky. I then spent the rest of the week hiding my arms from my room mate, which isn't as easy as it sounds.

I then had a week of my play.  I was working all day and then on stage all night.  It was a lot of fun but very busy.  

Then last week, work gave me three days of work.  Mainly to help me get over my chest and ear infection which I had developed while in Lourdes.   So I have six days to myself and no pressure to do anything.  I decided to play Halo and have almost finished it now.  I can't wait so I can start on Halo 2.  However Halo has suddenly got a lot harder with The Flood, The Covenant and The Sentanals all after me.  On top of all that I stopped playing for two days, and now can't work out where I'm going or where I need to go.  I keep getting killed.  It's great fun.  I need to ensure I have more ammo for the game.

Therapy is going well, but also doing strange things.  I have to re-evaluate everything, I have to note what everything makes me feel, and see if I can name what I'm feeling.  If I can't name it I have to attept to place where in the body I'm feeling something.  It's really hard.  When I went through my tough time in Lourdes, someone was trying to comfort me and I kept thinking about the map that my therapist and I are working on.  I also kept thinking about 'that my needs were not being fulfilled' but I had no idea what my needs were. 

I will try and blog more.  Thank for those who have left messages and asked after me.  On the whole I'm fine, just been very busy.  Take care everyone.

tags: cutting  feelings  therapy  update  personal  work