Today

Today has been an amazing day.  The Boys and I went to a local pub for a roast, of which I was the only one who ate a roast.  Unfortunately because of my inability to eat properly I ate too much and just felt queezy for the rest of the day.  We then started on a pub crawl.  I drank alcohol and then started on soft drinks, in the last pub we went to I had another alcoholic drink, but due to the fact I had too much food and drank more liquid than I do in a week I really didn't feel well.  So I made an excuse to The Boys and went back to the flat.  I emptied my stomach and now feel a lot better, although I won't drink any more tonight nor will I eat.  I doubt I will eat tomorrow.  I've been over zelous with everything today, and I'm suffering with it now.

It was really nice however to spend time with The Boys, it's just been so long since the three of us have spent any sort of time together.  We had such a laugh, but The Boys, especially N,  do like their drink and drink faster and more than I can ever drink, soft drink or alcohol.   As we hit the last bar I did start to freak out a bit, I couldn't handle being out and about and socialising.  How nuts is that.  I'm out with two people I know, two people I feel comfortable with and yet I couldn't handle it.  So instead I came home.

I wish I could stay out more and be more sociable but I needed to get out of there, it's driving me nuts, how on earth am I going to find someone to spend the rest of my life with unless I get out there and get to know more people.  

What gets me though is last Monday I went out with S and one of his co-workers and a friend of the co-worker, and I was fine.  Perhaps it's because I didn't feel the pressure to keep on drinking or perhaps because I was around S too much.  Maybe I just needed a break from it all.  It just too much. 

tags: flatmate  frustration  personal  phobia