CMHT

Phil asked me about the CMHT session I attended just before I went on holiday.  I haven't answered yet because this is the first time I've seen my emails and my blog.

So here's the skinny.

We talked about my inability to sleep, and that I was struggling to find joy in anything, I couldn't smile nor could I laugh.  I just hated everything.  Actually I lied a bit in the meeting.  He asked me if I had negative or 'dangerous' thoughts, and I told him I didn't.  In fact, that week leading up to my holiday, I had thought about it, I wondered what it would be like if I decided to just end it all. How long before someone noticed I was missing, would anyone notice or would it be the smell from my decaying body that would finally make someone notice I wasn't about?  It's not so bad now and I think it's because I got a break from my life for a little while.  I don't know what the future holds or how I'm going to feel but I have to deal with what ever comes my way.

CMHT guy did say that I should ask for more sleeping pills, to try and help me get in to a regular sleeping pattern.;  He said a month should do it.  I'm not convinced.  He also said that the psycho team would get hold of me soon and give me a huge questionnaire.

Well the questionnaire turned up the Friday before I went on holiday.  It was something quite hefty asking about what I think my problems are, my family background (that was fun to write about) and other things that made me think.  I also had to complete another two questionnaires but these were a True and False and a tick box thingy.  It was quite something.  I didn't fill them in until I got back from my holiday, but I did fill these out more honestly unlike my conversation at CMHT session.

I got back yesterday from my holiday and I phoned the doctor today about my blood test results.  They all came back normal, so I don't have an under active thyroid.  So now I have to try and work out the reason why I don't sleep.  While on holiday I took Nytol so I could get some sleep. 

tags: cmht  personal  update