I'm not what you think I am
- 4 yrs 17 wks 0 days old
- Updated: 26 Aug 2008
- 825 entries
- 1,320 comments
Make me money
The Referal!
posted Mon 13 Aug 07
I over slept this morning, being woken up by my phone. Usually if I'm asleep I just let it ring until the answer phone picks it up and then when my head is more awake I'd listen to it and deal with it. Except the person who phones me rang off and then phoned again. So I found my phone and picked up. It was the mental health team. My brain still not having woken up made an appointment for 11am tomorrow. The problem is now that I'm beginning to freak out, I feel sick, I am worried and I just want to bury my head in the sand. I still don't know if I want to go down this road. I am so worried about how this will affect (negatively) the rest of my life. Every time I stop I can hear the negative voice telling me how this will fuck up my life. "So you fancy buying a house together" "Oh yes that sounds great" "Cool" "One problem" "Really what's that?" "I'm a nutcase and I can't get a mortgage, do you think you can get one on your income alone?" "What!?" End relationship! I just can't relax and feel comfortable with this decision, I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing the wrong things. Both The Boys were in the kitchen together and for the life of me I just couldn't tell them, in fact I haven't told anyone it's tomorrow. Every one still thinks that I'm awaiting the letter. I really wish I could tell someone and they could come with me but I can't do that, every one works. It's too selfish of me to expect someone to come with me, especially to something I am not comfortable is the right thing for me to do. My head just keeps playing out what will happen, what is going on. I know I'll put on the act and they'll say there is nothing wrong and for me to stop wasting their time. Maybe I just have too much free time and I'm too self centred. I am so scared. I mean really scared. I just can't shake the feeling I'm about to royally screw my life up!
write to me, don't be frightened... I don't bite....much!
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