How do you know? I mean really know?

Hello Spike,

I found your blog from our mutual friend, the lovely Mr. Dan.

I can really relate to this post, and so I thought I'd leave a comment.

I have been in your position many times myself. I always think it is hard to read how a guy is feeling. So many times I have liked a guy, and ended up as "just friends". That's not always a bad thing, I mean it is always nice to make new friends :)! But it is hard when you're interested in "more" than that.

Anyway, I am a big fan of testing the waters first. For example, the next time you talk to him, maybe talk about movies that are coming out, and if you both seem interested in one, casually say something like "hey we should go see that...".... and see how he reacts.

If he is interested, that gives him an opening so that he won't be afraid of getting shot down (which according to my guy friends is a big reason why guys sometimes don't ask out the girls they are interested in). This also doesn't put you out on a limb if he does not seem interested. Dinner or something works too, if there is a new restaurant or type of food you like, casually work it into convo and then go for the non-committal suggestion.

As for the attraction thing, in my experience, attraction is not something you have to feel right away. Sometimes the way you feel around a person as you get to know them can evolve with time and shared experiences.

You are most definitely NOT a bad person for wanting to have some fun with this guy. I think that as long as you are honest from the beginning, there should be no problem. Besides, who knows? With time, you may end up becoming more fond of this guy.

I've only ever had a somewhat casual fling once in my life. It was right after an especially painful break-up of a long (5ish yrs) relationship. The guy was way too old for me, and I knew he wasn't looking for anything serious. I was hurting and needed to move on, and he made me feel good about myself. He was exciting and spontaneous and made me feel desirable again.

In short, it was exactly what I needed to move on and get over my ex. From what it sounds like, this could be just what you need to get over your S, and everyone deserves to have fun and feel happy.

Okay, I'm sorry this comment is so long winded. I'm not the most articulate person (ask Dan, he can verify this :)!!)

Good luck with everything, I wish you the best.

Relationships are like a numbers game. You come in contact with a number of people, often times, before you come across a match. Many times we take up with someone because there is a mutual idea of exploring one another. Often when we've gotten the pertinent information, we make a decision to move on or stay.

Getting a relationship going is usually a matter of one of the party sticking their neck out to see if the other want to explore the possibility. My approach has always been from the perspective that I was interested in this person and I wanted to show them how interesting I am.

It's like fishing. Some take the bait and some don't. Some folks have pre-conceived ideas as to what makes a relationship. Those folks tend to be stilted. You're better off just discovering the direction it naturally wants to take.

Once again, it all starts with you taking a chance. Remember, not taking a chance is taking a chance too. Taking the chance that you just let a possible good relationship from developing. Good Luck!;]