ngh!

I know I have to sit down with one of my five support network people and tell them what happened at the weekend, I know I do but I can't.  I was screaming in my head all day to M about what I had done and how I wanted her to notice.  But the act is back and working better than ever.  At one point I even manage to convince myself I was okay.  I know I'm not though.  I know that if I don't talk to someone things will escalate and get work.  On the other hand talking to people about what I'm going through can make me feel worse any way.  This really is a lose/lose situation.

I'm at a loss and I just don't know what to do.  I want to talk to someone, tell someone, anyone.... I want to scream and shout and explode, I want people to see how crap I am.  I want a break from all the crap going through my head.  I don't want to go to bed feeling like shite any more.  I don't want to go to bed wondering if I'm going to cry myself to sleep again.

tags: selfharm  feelings  depression  cutting  

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