I did not sleep at all well last night. My dreams haunted me. Every time I woke up, I spent an hour trying to get the dream out of my head and then when I finally feel asleep again I'd go back into the dream I just had.
I dreamt that the person making these phone calls broke into the flat. They hurt my flat mates, really hurt them. When I close my eyes I can see all the blood in the front room and kitchen. I can see them bound on the sofa's unconscious blood all over them. I couldn’t do anything about it.
The man never hurt me, I was bound but I wasn’t hurt. I had to watch as he hurt both the boys. I kept screaming at him to stop but he just smiled and carried on going. Neither of the boys deserves it. It’s my fault they got hurt, I’m the one who should be hurt.
I woke up this morning. I went downstairs to get a cup of tea, I was shaking. I knew I was alone in the flat, so I picked up a knife and have been caring it around with me all day.
I heard a noise into the day, and I knew no one was in. I went downstairs checking every where first, knife at the ready. I heard someone in the kitchen. I was on the verge of a panic attack, and there in the kitchen was my flat mate S. He had come home late last night, during one of my sleep periods. I had no idea he was in. He was startled to see me holding a knife. I was shaking like a leaf and relieved to see him. I laid in to him though telling him off for scaring the shit out of me.
I think S thinks it’s all so funny. I don’t. I really was scared. Although I know S is about I’ve kept my door locked all day and if I have to leave I’m caring a knife. I am completely freaking myself out with these mystery phone calls I’m getting, and with things that have happened to me before. The calls are probably nothing, but I can’t keep freaking myself out like this. It’s not fair on me or the flat mates. I’m changing my mobile number next week. I need to not be scared of every noise I hear.
I think I would tell my closest ones about these nasty calls and warn them
that my phone would be off during some hours each day. That's what a friend
of mine did, turned his phone off each night. Maybe in a previous post you
have said if the ID of the caller is registered. Maybe the police can help
if the caller's behaviour is predictable. I don't think the knife is a good
idea, but changing your number is. Consider some meditation, relaxation and
the like. Talk with God, there's no safer place than being by His side.
Hugs.