- 4 yrs 12 wks 0 days old
- Updated: 23 Jul 2008
- 812 entries
- 1,306 comments
Make me money
I am so tired
I don't know what to do, it's all getting too much. I spent yesterday in bed, and I'm about to crawl into bed now. This morning I got up to go to work, although I almost phoned in sick, and I felt better than I have done. While I was on my own I felt okay, then the others came in and I felt all my energy being sapped away. I just could have done with me in the office by myself all day with no one else around. Being around others just makes me feel worse. I don't want to interact with people at all, the smiling, the laughing, the talking... all I want to do is tell people to leave me alone.
The Boys haven't twigged anything is up. I don't think they ever will. S and I grow further and further apart. N and I were never overly close, but it's my fault this is happening. I'm pulling away, shutting myself off. They are letting me.
I have my second psychotherapy appointment tomorrow (or the follow up assessment), this is where the decision is made to whether or not I should go through psychotherapy or not and the best way to go about it. There are also some other things that came up in the initial appointment and one of them is that I will need a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who I can call between now and when the therapy actually starts (waiting list is eight months for individual appointments and longer for group appointments). There is also talk about medication. Medication in the past has saved my life, I would not be sitting here now if I had not been on medication, the problem is that I don't like what they do to me. My mood goes up, I do more, I am more motivated but my brain turns into treacle and it takes me longer to think things out or work out what I'm doing. It's like my brain moves into 'go slow' mode and it drives me crazy because I just can't think fast enough. Plus we need to find one that my system can take. I'm not going to take St. John's Wort, that does absolutely SFA!
As I just read this entry, it seemed almost surreal because I've been
feeling so much the same way lately. I know what you mean about feeling so
tired and everything. I really hope that you get to feel better soon.
Sometimes for me it helps just to have someone to talk to, someone to
listen. If you ever want to talk let me know. Hang in there, and take
care.
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