Feeling good

This is going to be a bit of a random entry because I have so much to say about so many different things.  This has been an absolute amazing day.  I had the day off because of this pleurisy I have going on.  Although the pain has stopped I'm in a lot of discomfort.  I'd actually rather have the pain back than this discomfort, I just can't get comfortable.  If it wasn't for the fact the pain stopped me breathing in at least I could have respite from it by breathing shallowly.  This discomfort I just can't get a break from.  It's driving me nuts.  So I have today off and I have tomorrow off.  I was reading up on pleurisy and it can turn into pnemonia which is the last thing I need.

Thanks to Darwin the Dolphin I now have my novel back, all 59,500 odd words of it.  I owe him everything.  He is definatly getting a free copy when I get it published.  Thank you mate.

N and I were talking today.  I sort of gate crashed his room because I wanted to see what he had done to it.  Then we started talking.  We talked about our faiths which was nice, I don't get to talk about it much.  Although I'm Catholic and he's not, we do think a lot a like. We talked about so many things and I told him about the fact I lost my faith at Uni, and how during my depression I asked for God's help, that I needed things to change, and how I found the strength to carry on and kept going.  I also talked about what I've been through over the past few months and how lonely I can feel.  I really opened up to N, in my head I was saying shut up but I managed to quash the voice.  Something I couldn't do with S.  N asked me about things like the cutting and I tried to explain it best I could.  Sometimes it's really hard to talk about it.  I also told him how living here was the first time I liked the people I lived with.  He said how cool that was, and that I was good to live with.  I was quiet surprised by this, I asked him if he thought I was a freak and he said no.  We talked about my lack of self-confidence which surprised him.  We talked about where he was in his life.  It was just one of those really amazing conversations, and he said if I needed to talk I could talk to him.  It completely blew me away.  We talked about the difference between males and females showing emotion and, and, well we talked about so many things.  It's one of those conversations I really wish I could have recorded because there is so much of it that I would take away with me.  He's amazing.  I really learnt a lot more about him and appreciate him more.  He is a wonderful young man who is he stays on the path he's travelling will make a wonderful person.  Not that he's not wonderful now.... you all know what I mean.   We also talked about our failings, our families, all sort of things.  I really enjoyed the conversation.  I've not talked to N about things like this before.  S and I do it a lot, well we talk about family and things, not really talked about depression or cutting with S (except if I've drunk too much).  I am extremely lucky to be living here in this flat with two such fantastic flat mate.  This is definatly my positive thing for the day.

tags: update  flatmates  cutting  life  personal  novel  selfharm  religion  faith  fears  feelings  trust