Crappy week

After having a good weekend away relaxing and enjoying myself I get back to work to find a report sitting in my inbox.  It was a report from a management committee meeting we had a few weeks ago.  It said, as part of the report, that the committee wasn't happy with my work, that possibly I had psychological problems, and that I might get put on disciplinary procedures.  I wasn’t happy about this for many reasons.  So I’m going to rant about it, because if I don’t do something about it soon I think I’m going to explode.

1. No-one has ever told me they are unhappy about my work.  No one has ever told me that I’m doing anything wrong.  I have been doing what I’ve been doing because I assumed people where happy with me.  If they were not they should have said something to me. In private!
2. This report went out to the management committee (which is fine) however it went out to another member of staff who is not on the management committee and certainly shouldn’t be told about what is happening with me.
3. I sat down with both my supervisors J and B back in January when I first started my C.A.T so to warn them that I wouldn’t be around one afternoon a week.  I haven’t spoken to J since seeing this report but I have talked to B.  He says that he doesn’t remember having this conversation at all.  He also said they have concerns about me because I never talk about myself!  I think I talk about myself too much and don’t concentrate enough on other people around me.  But if B can’t remember having the conversation about my depression, my self harming or my therapy then how would he know how much I talk about myself.  He can’t remember things.  Makes me wonder why I bothered to change or try and get better.  I remember talking to B about my cutting, I remember his trying to convince me it was all my parents fault , I remember we talked for an hour or two, and yet he doesn’t remember a single word of our conversation.  Why the hell should I attempt to tell him anything if he doesn’t remember.

I know that I have struggled with this job and I am not doing a good a job as I should be, but I am trying.  I have plans for the new scholastic year, I’m going to be more forthcoming with ideas and try and force myself into getting some work done.  I can’t believe that they are talking about disciplinary procedures before they have talked to me about their issues or even give me a chance to change.  I think I’ll be looking for a new job!

 

If anyone has a job going around the £25K mark please let me know.  I will re-locate!

Really want to get stoned right now.  Need to try not too but I really want it. I don't know what to do.  Damn it!

1. No-one has ever told me they are unhappy about my work.  No one has ever told me that I’m doing anything wrong.  I have been doing what I’ve been doing because I assumed people where happy with me.  If they were not they should have said something to me. In private!
2. This report went out to the management committee (which is fine) however it went out to another member of staff who is not on the management committee and certainly shouldn’t be told about what is happening with me.
3. I sat down with both my supervisors J and B back in January when I first started my C.A.T so to warn them that I wouldn’t be around one afternoon a week.  I haven’t spoken to J since seeing this report but I have talked to B.  He says that he doesn’t remember having this conversation at all.  He also said they have concerns about me because I never talk about myself!  I think I talk about myself too much and don’t concentrate enough on other people around me.  But if B can’t remember having the conversation about my depression, my self harming or my therapy then how would he know how much I talk about myself.  He can’t remember things.  Makes me wonder why I bothered to change or try and get better.  I remember talking to B about my cutting, I remember his trying to convince me it was all my parents fault , I remember we talked for an hour or two, and yet he doesn’t remember a single word of our conversation.  Why the hell should I attempt to tell him anything if he doesn’t remember.

I know that I have struggled with this job and I am not doing a good a job as I should be, but I am trying.  I have plans for the new scholastic year, I’m going to be more forthcoming with ideas and try and force myself into getting some work done.  I can’t believe that they are talking about disciplinary procedures before they have talked to me about their issues or even give me a chance to change.  I think I’ll be looking for a new job!

tags: depression  work  feelings  frustration  personal  rant