Cor-blimey

This story starts many years ago, I think it's around 1998... well I know 1998 comes into it because I know who I was dating at the time and how old I was at the time... however let me get on with the story.

For many years now I've been helping at a Christian holiday camp called lighthouse.  Now when I first started there was only one, and it was huge.  I had 40 children in my lighthouse, and there was a guy who was on stage.  He made me laugh, he got me wet (on more than one occation) we got close.  At one point I honestly saw myself kissing him, the problem was that I was dating someone else, and something that I could never, ever do is cheat on some one.  So it didn't matter how much time we spent together I kept my distance emotionally, and of course my boyfriend never knew anything about it.  This was 1998 because I was ill, but I can't remember if that's the first year I met him or if there was a year before that I knew him.  Any way that doesn't matter, what matter's is that I did have feelings for him.

So we lot contact around 2000.  And although I have thought about him over the years and what he's been up to I never ever acted upon any feelings I might have possibly have for him.  So this week I started a facebook profile (my real name, so don't ask for the link, you won't get it).  Within only hours of me being on there HE comes along and adds me as a friend.  Great I think, then today we were talking and trying to arrange a time when we can met up.  I try and put him off because with my back being the way it is, I'm really not feeling 100% but he's determined to meet up and meet up soon.  Fine. So we've arranged to met up tomorrow.  This is not a problem, two friends meeting up who haven't seen each other for the best part of 8 years.  As we're talking however he admits that that summer in 1998 he fell for me!!!  I hope he doesn't expect things to happen.  Hell I have no idea what will happen, but I'm already freaking myself out about it which is stupid and I know how pathetic I sound.  He says that he regrets the fact he let me go.

I have to stop freaking out about this.

I should also mention that I have never talked about this guy before on my blog, so don't go looking for other posts about him.

tags: feelings  friends  lighthouse