Blood results and other things

So finally after chasing it up for the past few days I have discovered that my blood results are fine and that my potasium level is all back to normal.  I knew I shouldn't have worried so much about it after all the last blood test was after a night of 'The Concoction' so it's not real surprise that my blood tests showed something funky.  It's all sorted now though.

I'm beginning to get use to being in the flat by myself.  In fact it doesn't really feel any different to how it was before S and N moved out.  I barely saw The Boys as it was let alone talk to them. I'm also beginning to find that I'm more lately to go out more as well since before (and I never realised this until Monday) that if S was in the flat I wouldn't go out just in case I saw him and could talk to him and spend time with him..... It's unbelievable to think how much I change/didn't do things just because he was around and I might possibly see him and get to spend time with him. 

To be honest I never cared about N moving out.  It was S's moving that bothered me, not just because of my feelings for him but because he didn't tell me until three days before he left.  I sometimes sit in his room and take in his smell.  I really want to know what it is that gave him this smell.  I went to Sainsbury's and smelled the deodrants there but none of them smell like him.  I'm going to try boots tomorrow.  As much as I love his smell, I don't want to spend too much time in his room in case the smell disappears, but at the same time I'm scared someone will move into that room and make the smell disappear.  I don't want to lose his smell but have no idea where to get his smell from, or what it is.  Part of me wants to create some reason or other to text him to ask him, but I think he'd look right through it.

I dreamt the other night that S put a letter through the door and told me that he missed me and that he wanted to give us a go.  That we could make it work.  I keep playing with this idea, have it going over and over in my head.  We have so much fun and we really have feelings for each other, real feelings not just lust.  I pray every day that something like that would happen, but I'm just not that lucky.

I have a feeling that now S has left, I won't see him again, nor hear from him unless I make the first move.  Why do I have to have such feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way.

The job is sort of okay, I'm still wondering if I made a huge mistake.  After talking to my mother about things last weekend, we decided I would stick it out until Christmas to see if things get better. Then and only then will I make the decision to weather I will move closer to the job or not. In the meantime I'm staying put, in a rather empty flat.

Mam is going through a tough time at work at the moment.  They are making her redundant, but doing it miliciously and they are hurting her a great deal.  So we've been talking to each other a great deal, her checking up on me and me checking up on her.  Unfortunately she's started the whole, you've got to think positive, laugh every day, I love you always etc stuff.  She did it last time I told her about the depression and now she's started again.  This is part of the reason I didn't tell her this time around.

I decided to get skype.  So I could keep in contact with my friends and be able to talk to friends.  It's really cool actually.  The phone is sitting on my desk and I've made a canny few phone called already.  It's well worth having.

I have started watching Battlestar Galactica (BSG) the new series.  I'm not sure I like it... I'm going to let it run it's path a bit and then make a decision about the series.  I'm finding that it feels like the original and yet it's not.  At the precise moment in time I feel that they should have just gone with a whole new series rather than re-hash what was a brilliant series.  They even have Richard Hatch in an episode who played Apollo in the original series.  I hated the fact that Smallville have done this.  Used actors from other carnations of Superman and put them into Smallville.  I hope BSG don't start to do this.  Or else it's going to piss me off.

I don't think I have anything else to day actually, so I'll sign off here.  If you've got this far well done.  It's a very boring post I'm afraid.  MrDan if you're reading this can you please, please let me know you're okay.  I've not seen you online or anything for quite a while and I'm concerned for you. 

tags: update  news  personal  flatmate  depression  family  feelings