A funny old 24 hours

I live in the gorgeous house.  I live on the top level which is all mine.  With it's own kitchenette and my own bathroom.  It has more space than I've ever had that I can call mine.  In the past I have lived in shared accomadation and just had a bedroom that's all mine.  I've been spoilt rotten with this place and I've been as happy as pig in mud.

When I moved in I knew that the house was up for sale and there was a possiblity that I would have to move fairly soon.  I had just hoped more time would pass.  I've only been here two months and I'm on the move again.  My landlord had someone who's made an offer on the house and it looks as to be a serious offer.  So I have to flat hunt again.  Nothing can top this place.  I have already started looking and I think I've already found a new place.  I'm going to look at it tomorrow.  It ticks all my boxes, it all depends on room sizes.  This is a flat share and the rent is cheaper so it should mean that I can save a bit more money and pay off my credit cards.  However I am going to mss this place and my landlord.  I can honestly say that I've been happy here.  I'm just going to miss it all.

So last night after discovering I now have to go flat hunting again.  I went to bed not knowing what I was going to do and not relising the fact I had to flat hunt.  I was freaking out.  I felt sick, hot and sweaty, not at all well.

Today, instrestingly enough,  I had my three month follow up for CAT. This is it, I'm now offically out of therapy.  I'm amazed at how different I am.  I have had two major upsets in the three months and not once have I cut or got high.  However I have noticed that I am drinking more.  But it's a good sign that I recognise this, and it shows that I still have things I have to deal with and put in more coping mechanisms, but it's getting there and what I have accomplished is good.  I just have some other things I need to srot out, but it's a long term thing.  Concidering how often I was self harming or getting high, to go three months without doing any of it is a good step.  However should I cut or get high I have to accept it and give myself a break.  I can't beat myself over it.  However I have made some good step forwards, I just have to keep going with what I'm doing and keep working hard.

tags: depression  therapy  personal  feelings